Hideous Tattoos We Wouldn’t Be Caught Dead With
By: Lukas Kaiser
As we know from mourning our own past mistakes or snickering at our inked friends behind their backs, many tattoos are far from being what anyone would call excellent. What seemed like a great idea when you were downing shots at the bar might not seem so great when you have to live with an image of Sweet Brown or whatever-the-hell this is for the rest of your miserable little life. So consider this the tattoo equivalent of those gory cautionary movies they show you in driver’s ed class.
These aren’t the only people who made regrettable ink decisions. Some people have to walk around with misspelled tattoos or just plain hideous portraits that look nothing like they were meant to look. Life’s tough all over.
Not gonna lie to you… this is terrifying.
And this is why “Ozzy technique” abortions should be illegal.
Here are 50 funny but hideous tattoos we wouldn’t be caught dead with …and 50 people who are hoping laser removal prices go down.
1. That’s Not an Apple
2. High Grossing, Highly Gross
You should see it in 3D.
3. How Is Tatoo Formed?
You should probably not hire an actual baby to do your “Baby Girl” tattoo.
4. Bambi Pr0n
That’s right, Bambi Prawn. What did you think the title meant?
(P.S. You do NOT want to read this guy’s slash fic.)
5. Good Ol’ Children
It was so great of this parent to get a tattoo of their two Benjamin Button kids who were both born ninety years old.
6. Tiger Blood
No wonder Charlie Sheen gets all the chicks. Who could resist this not-at-all nightmarish sight?
7. Long Live The King
It’s about time we saw tattoos supporting regicide by plebeians via chess metaphor. And the word “pwned”.
8. And a Cherry on Top
I think this one has a good message for the kids, don’t you?
9. Dick Butt
I feel no need to explain this.
10. A Personal Declaration
11. But Does He Like Turtles?
He’s going to regret this once the Zombie Apocalypse comes and nobody believes he’s human.
12. Kirby’s Request
This literally knocks the wind out of me every time I look at it.
13. That’s Meta
She has BOOBIES tattooed on her BOOBIES!! Also, wow, gross.
14. Forbidden Fruit
So, wait, if that’s the forbidden fruit that God was talking about… Eve must’ve been into gymnastics or something.
Look at this man, bravely driving a forklift with his knees following the loss of his arms. That’s what this is, right?
16. What’s the Opposite of Glee?
This was a terrible idea. Unlike the totally awesome French Stewart tattoo that I got on my back in 1998.
17. Bumper Sticker Ready
Aha, but wasn’t religion created by the brain? Also, heh, you’re wearing X-Box underwear. Make sure to show THAT off.
Sorry, I got too personal. This is supposed to be about your incredibly stupid tattoo.
18. Stone-Faced Grannies
This is what happens when gay art students pick up a meth habit.
This actually isn’t a tattoo of a hamburger, it’s a tribute to his friend who succumbed to a horrible birth defect after 23 brave years.
At least he doesn’t have to worry about hand-eye coordination.
21. Sir Ruinedhislife of Poorchoiceshire
Pros: Always ready for the next Renaissance Fair.
Cons: …Nope, I can’t think of anything.
22. Yup, Hooters.
One man’s tribute to his two favorite waitresses, a pair of sixteen year-old girls with Down Syndrome who work at Hooters to fulfill diversity requirements.
23. Something is Off
This Princess Leia/Jabba the Hut tattoo was a failed experiment of a new tattooing process that used crayons to apply colors.
24. That’s… Hot?
It’s guaranteed to be a conversation starter, at least.
This is a vision into an alternate reality where Tupac was born as a white girl in Portland with parents who worked on the McGovern campaign.
26. Zac Efron
Oh yeah, well if you love Zac Efron so much why don’t you go and get it tattooed on your ass! Haha, I’d like to see… oh.
27. I Sense a Disturbance in the Honeypot
Christopher Robin rose to become a powerful Sith Lord and High Commander of the Imperial Fleet… but he never stopped loving that silly bear.
I bet I know what this guy’s first wish would be if he met a real genie. To have this replaced with the totally awesome “Shaq Fu” tattoo he really wanted.
29. Oh, Yeah
Don’t just dismiss this tattoo; it’s a metaphor for all of those who have lost legs to diabetes. And also it’s stupid.
30. I Cannot Love
Oh, look, it’s a 1920s man-about-town, having a delightful dialogue between himself, a young flapper maiden and his own mustache!
OK, listen, I don’t like to just throw around the word “hipster”, so… carry on.
This tattoo actually created a paradox that nearly destroyed the entire universe, but some quick thinking by the physicists at the European Center for Nuclear Research averted total catastrophe. The only noticeable side effect was the creation of something called “Justin Bieber”.
Now for the rest of this guy’s life everybody will know he was super into My Chemical Romance in 2004.
33. I Checked, He’s Right
OK, I gave it a little more thought and this is probably the greatest tattoo of all time.
34. Don’t Ask Her For Directions
Hey, maybe it’s some kind of commentary on the relativity and unknowability of space and time. Or maybe it’s a statement on the arbitrary nature of the names we give things. Or maybe it’s just really embarrassing.
35. Obama ’08
Uh… so you hear the one where the two sharks go into a bar and one’s a viking and the other one is some kind of gangster pirate and they pull a sword and a gun on each other and then touch their glandes together, and the bartender says, “OBAMA ’08!”?
Yeah I have no friggin’ idea either.
36. Power Pellets
This is what Pac-Man’s crude graphics were actually trying to portray. Learn something new every day.
37. Pain and Pride
That just works on so many levels.
38. Don’t Feed The Trolls
If you’re (somehow) unfamiliar with rage comics then you might think this grotesque face is some kind of horrible mistake. Nope, that is exactly what this guy wanted on his ass.
39. Totally Rad, Dude
And this is why we don’t let twelve year-olds get tattoos. And why I think that’s BULLSHIT.
40. Lil Jeff – Never Forget
She got this tattoo after Lil Jeff was tragically killed when they decided to try her on top. The man was seriously lil, okay?
41. Don’t Cross Me
I have eyes on the back of my… back.
42. Not Creepy At All
Was this caused by fetishes or drugs? Either way, I want to forget I ever saw it.
43. Did I Do That?
If you think that’s cool, you should see the Stephan Urquell zombie.
44. That’s One Way of Looking at It
Concept art for the absolute worst sex education book of all time.
45. My Eyes Are Up Here
They look angry.
46. Formal Birthday Suit
How do you tie a tie? Get it inked into your skin, forever.
47. Important Reminder
I know it personally took me a few times to learn THAT lesson. This tattoo was probably a good investment.
48. Experience Points
But what’s his Charisma?
49. Even Watson Can’t Answer
Yup, Who Let the Dogs Out. Because there is no single better inspiration for a group tattoo than a novelty song.
Astonishingly accurate caption.
Enjoyed This Article? SUBSCRIBE, and we’ll let you know when we republish new ones.